You rush around day after day at the holidays and then FINALLY there is a day where you have nothing else to do but relax and surprisingly you find yourself bored. BORED. Shocking, but true. What is one to do? There is but one answer…
Return to the ease and comfort of childhood via daytime television. It sounds so nice doesn’t it? Sure, until you try to actually watch the shows you cherished as a child with the cynicism of an adult. And, that’s why that NO work! Oh my heck, seriously… I used to love the Price is Right, but now Bob Barker just seems like a ridiculously pushy old man and all of the “prizes” seem like cheap knock-offs to their expensive counterparts. And WHAT is with the commercials??? Does NO ONE under 50 watch television in the daytime???
BACKPAIN? Custum back relief support belts that helps Lou drive again (to Florida no less) for only $19.95.
Does Grandpa seem upset and morose? Just call hovercraft and they can practically guarantee that he will be decorating your Christmas tree with the kids for FREE!
Are all your bills paid off? WHAT? NO? Don’t you realize you are about to die and funerals cost an arm and a leg? Never fear, AARP has a reliable and oh so unexpensive insurance that they can only tell you how much one “block” will cost you (but, again, this is only the change you can pull from your pocket at the end of your day so you know… just save allllll month and you will be on your way to making that hefty insurance payment).
Are you scared your children are secretly planning to send you to a home? Well, when they show up to cart you off to the social club for the dying just pull from around your neck and show them the new I’ve-fallen-and-I-can’t-get-up necklace that protects you from any health emergency (unlessssss you lose consciousness and can’t push the button, then you are just SOL… and for the record, I don’t mean speed of light). Once they see this modern marvel they are sure to act relieved at their newfound freedom and leave you alone!
Seriously! I kid you not, even the vonage commercials showcase only older people! I am worried about the marketing community… they have a really suck duck idea of what the elderly community wants to see while they watch their shows! Don’t they realize that the aging are not pathetic!
Ok, I’m done… with ranting AND with watching daytime television!
HILARIOUS!!!
I too have reached the “BORING” day in my vacation. If only we could spend it together. I am really looking forward to New Years now. Can’t wait to see you. Alright, I’m off, I’m even too bored to blog (especially on this craptacular iMac with its single button mouse–what is THAT about?!!! Where’s the scroll?!!!)