It is coming soon. My birthday. I want to say right now that I will embrace this day. A large part of me wants to curl up in a ball and just cry, but this will not change the reality. I have been overweight for many years. I grew up slightly chubby and remained that way until I became sick when I was 19. There was complications with my thyroid and most of it had to be destroyed. Most people could come back from this and remain ok, but this occured almost simultaneously with a traumatic experience in my life.
Within a year, I gained over 100lbs. I have lived with this extra weight for ten years. If you know me, I am sure you know that I have tried over and over to lose this weight. I can’t sit here now and say… this is it *I KNOW IT*, I WILL lose the weight. I can tell you, I am turning 30 and I have spent my 20’s NOT chasing my kids around, NOT enjoying the life that I could be, and NOT learning to love this person that I am. I want these things. I want them very much. I mainly want to find comfort in my life in the form of anything other than food. This is my issue and it is a hard one to tackle. There are many times where I feel like the only comfort I can truly count on is at the bottom of a bag of chips. This is my biggest battle. My children deserve so much more than what they are getting in me. I deserve so much more than I am getting from me.
I need support from anyone who comes here. If you know me at all… let me know you are here. It sounds so silly, but if I know that you are there reading what I have to say, comforting me when I need it, kicking me in the bum when I need it, and offering encouragement when I need it… it will make a difference. One of my biggest fears is letting people down. I know that the number one person I am letting down is myself by continuing to live with this extra weight, but I don’t want to let down my friends and family either.
This is my year to fish or cut bait. My goals?
1) Eat healthy and STICK TO IT
2) Accept that my relationship with sugar is… dysfunctional. Sugar is the whiskey to my alcoholism (metaphorically of course), and if I don’t cut it out of my life, I will NEVER get better. Sugar does NOT equal happy, and I have got to understand this to the very depths of my soul.
3) I have to work out… in fact, my plan is to involve my mom and hopefully talk her into giving me (and herself) a gym membership at the U of I where we can work out together 3 times a week atleast. I have an elliptical at home which I have been using and will continue to keep using, but I miss weight training. I think that was the key to helping me keep moving along with the weight loss.
4) Keep on top of my medicine. I don’t know how to fix this because how frickin hard is it to remember a stupid pill everyday, but I still have trouble with this. If YOU talk to me… ask me… are you taking your meds?! This is a HUGE part of my weight loss because my body can not run itself without my medicine. This is 100% neccessary!
5) Stop yelling. I am unsure that anything is ever helped by yelling. I am so guilty of yelling and it has to stop.
6) Get to where I should be spiritually. Michael should be baptized this year, but I do not want him to get baptized until I am sure he is ready and he is doing it because he feels it is the right decision. Michael needs to be living in the right environment and for awhile now, we have not been providing the spiritual environment that we should be. This WILL BE high on my list of priorities.
7) Get my graduate school application in and hopefully prepare to enter next fall. Even if I don’t get in, I still have to prepare to graduate in May.
Lift up my husband. I want him to be as healthy as I am and I want to make healthy changes together.
9) Let those in my life know how much they mean to me and give of myself freely, while still respecting the time that I need for myself.
So, it appears to be overwhelming. I can’t promise that I will wake up tomorrow and all these changes will take place automatically, but I have nowhere to go but UP. I hope that *YOU* will be here with me and check on me often. Having a support system in place will make all of the difference in this 30th year of my life.
I’m here–have been, still am, will be.
Let me know when and what you need, ‘k?
Thanks Nadja!
Hey, I would normally say that there are too many goals, but it looks like you are trying to reassess your life and you are doing a thorough job. I also know that it’s unrealistic to assume that you will make all of these goals overnight, or even in 6 months, but you will surely get far on many of them by changing your whole life.
Candace and I have been talking about goals, and because I am visual I am going to put a pin-board above my drawing desk and pin up pictures of my goals (like I am going to do a photoshop version of the graphic novel I want to do, so I can see it as a finished book.) Anyway, if that kind of visual stuff helps, I would recommend it.
I have faith in you Kate.
Oh, one more thing, I have found that I feel a lot better about everything when I pick up the house first. A picked up and vacuumed house settles the mind.
Call us if you need us.
What is your email address? I wrote you an email but cannot send it. Love you.
klwheeler@gmail.com is my email Candace… thanks Mike, I feel the same way about a clean house, just ask Chris lol.
Kate, I’m here! One thing that it seems like I hear over and over again is if you have goals, write down your successes and failures. Having them in black and white and knowing that you’re going to have to “fess up” can help. Your goals are wonderful, I will try and be better about coming around to help be your support system.
Ok, I know I just FINALLY posted mine for all to see, but what really amazes me is that we must have been typing these at the exact same time last night!!! We are so ‘n sync!!! LOL But I am glad to hear that you are commiting to this too! I know that together we will be awesome!!! Did you take your meds today? I did. When are you ellipticaling today? Call me and we can do it together! Luvs and Huggies!
My wife just typed Luvs and Huggies. Quite cute. I can be a hard assed drill sargent (as you know) and get way out of hand on the Black and White of things. I can be that way for you if it helps. THough Hard Knocks don’t always work they do for some. I would rather know someone cared enough about me to take away my bowl of ice cream. (I don’t know how to finish that)
Kate,
I am here. I love you and I am so proud of you. I know that this is a milestone for you and there is a temptation to look back and see all of the stuff you haven’t done. Everyone does it…but please, PLEASE….take a few minutes to look back on the things you have accomplished.
You have two beautiful, kind, caring, intelligent, well-adjusted children. They love you so very much. I know you feel as though there are some ways in which you failed them…but you truly haven’t. They have what they need to become adults you can be proud of–a mother who is concerned that she could always be doing something more….
You have a successful marriage and you have weathered the storms that are typical of a young marriage with Chris…and come out on the other side. This is more than over half of the country can say…this is a huge success.
You are almost done with your college degree and moving on to higher education. KATE! This is huge! Enough said.
You have been working on losing weight and living a more healthy lifestyle. AND BEEN SUCCESSFUL! I know it sometimes feel like you are treading water…but keep going! It doesn’t have to be perfect, you can indulge sometimes…take a diet break….take a day or so off….and then get right back in the swing of things…
Finally, (not that this is a comprehensive list or anything)…but finally…look at how many friends you have cheering you on, showing you love! This is a huge accomplishment.
I am so proud of you Kate, truly love you…I think this is going to be YOUR year. I really do. I am just so excited to see what you do!
Love,
Jess
kate -
you can DO it! i KNOW, without a doubt, that you can … it’s never easy, but when is anything worth doing easy? i will totally support you and help you any way i can. *HUGS*
~ jannet
i am not sure what else to add to everyone, other than i love you. and i know if anyone can do any of those things on that list, it is YOU. i am always here for you. i hope you know that.
Kate, I’m late but I’m here …
You totally can do it, and me too.
Try keeping your meds by your toothbrush. You brush your teeth, you take a pill. You wouldn’t skip brushing your teeth, right? So if you make them go together you won’t skip your pill, either.
Just an idea from the days when I had to take a pill every day …
Good for you! I know you can do this. Just remember to not expect yourself to do it perfectly. You are going to have setbacks and make mistakes. Expect them and have a plan for what you will do when they happen. Then you won’t be faced with making a tough decision in the heat of the moment (or in the face of a Cinnabon, as it would be for me ;o)). Something that has helped me a lot is to plan my “cheating”. I have 1 day a week when I let myself eat whatever I want. Usually by noon on that day I’m so stuffed with junk I don’t have any more appetite for the rest of the day. LOL! It gives me something to look forward to. I don’t feel so compelled to have a cookie on Tuesday when I know I can have something even better, and more of it, on Saturday (my usual cheat day). If I see a treat I really want during the week I will buy it and stick it in a safe place (where the rest of the family won’t get to it) to save for Saturday. Much easier for me than telling myself I can’t ever have the things I like from now until the end of forever.
Just think, by your next birthday you will probably be at least 50 lbs. lighter and will feel so healthy and good about yourself. And surely by the time you are my age (uhhh, mid 30’s) you will have reached your goal and enjoyed the feel of it for a good 2 or 3 years. :o)
Go, Katie! Woohoo!