The Wheeler Family

The recent tragedy surrounding the Sueppel family in Iowa City has brought domestic violence and homicide to the forefront of the news media in a devastating way. The World Health Organization found that nearly one in four women was found to have experienced physical assault by an intimate partner at some point in their life. By and large most victims of this crime tend to be women, accounting for 85% of all domestic violence victims. In the state of Iowa alone, over 7,000 cases of domestic violence were reported in the year 2005. This is a frightening number in its own rite, but we still must remember that those are only cases that are reported. It is impossible to know the true magnitude of how many families are experiencing domestic violence.

Why do women stay in a relationship that becomes dangerous and volatile? This is a wildly common question when domestic violence is addressed on a mainstream level. Forget about asking why a man would assault his partner or why there are not harsher punishments for these acts—our main concern seems to fall back on how the woman let this happen to herself. To really understand what a woman in an abusive relationship is dealing with it is important to remember that most abusers do not begin the relationship by acting violent or aggressive with their partner. In an article from the Mayo Clinic geared towards intimate partner violence it is explained that,”… abuse often starts subtly and gets worse over time. For example, abuse may begin with occasional hurtful comments, jealousy or controlling behavior. As it gets worse, the abuse may become more frequent, severe or violent”. It is also vitally important to realize that an abusive relationship is not characterized merely by the physical violence; rather the abusive behavior is rooted in seeking power and control over their partner. Often an abuser will use intimidation, isolation, threats, and emotional abuse in such a way that it is nearly impossible for their partner to leave. For women with children, the ramifications of leaving take on even more layers, as needing to be able to provide for their dependants entails having to find the resources and means to form their own household away from the abuser. For a woman who is in a relationship where she has no access to transportation, bank accounts, or even friends and family, starting a new life is daunting at best. For those women that do leave, the first month away from her abuser is notoriously the most dangerous according to the Iowa Domestic Abuse Death Review Team, who in their annual report of 2001 found that leaving a relationship was the leading predecessor of a domestic homicide. As Kristie Fortmann-Doser, executive director of the Domestic Violence Intervention Program in Johnson County, IA explains,

Our community tends to be hung up on statements like, “She must leave, and she must leave now.” Yet choosing to leave an abuser often is one of the most dangerous choices a victim will ever make. You want to make sure that you have the resources and support ready when they decide to make that choice. Statistics also show that an abuser will stalk their former intimate partners for an average of 21 months. That means someone leaving the relationship can expect to spend nearly two years trying to keep herself and her children safe from this individual

It is very easy to believe that violence in the home is an isolated event, only found among the poor and underprivileged. The real truth, however, is that domestic violence is a devastating and all too common problem in our society. It is vital and necessary that there are resources available for women who are in abusive relationships when they are ready and able to make the choice to leave.